Maria Sharapova

What do these Eastern European countries put in their water? Their girls always come out genetically predisposed to be tennis players. And hot. It’s their escape method from the Eastern Bloc. Exhibit A: Maria Sharapova. She’s like Anna Kournikova but with talent. Here she is pictured at the annual Andy Roddick Charity Weekend.

This lucky bastard won a charity dance with Maria. This reminds me of my first dance. Arms at 90 degrees, barely touching my date, a mouth full of tin, feeling awkward because she towered over me. I too had to pay for my date. At least it included transportation to and from the gym. Plus, she tucked me in and made me breakfast in the morning. *sigh* I have the best mother in the world. – Captain Swarthy