How very phallic

A rep for Avril Lavigne is denying rumors that the “punk rocker” is pregnant with Deryck Whibley’s child. The rumors began when Canadian radio host Zack Taylor wrote,

“Avril is a month-and-a-half pregnant and that her husband, Deryck Whibley has been telling all his friends that he’s excited to be a father.”

I’m appalled at the thought of Deryck Whibley having sex with Avril Lavigne. He looks like a baby Shrek and she’s pretty. This might have been acceptable in medieval times, but not now. Now we have laws against that sort of stuff. Also, why even marry that guy when my Herculean body is walking the streets? Color me confused. Avril marrying Deryck was probably one of the greatest insults to my six pack. Right after the one about it being drawn on. It’s not. It’s more like etched on.