Clay Aiken

Need more proof Clay Aiken is a pain in the ass, undeserving or just need more gay quotes from him? Well, today is your lucky day because Newsweek published an interview they did with him and it’s fantastic. First, the gay stuff.

NEWSWEEK: How’s the “Spamalot” rehearsing going?
Clay Aiken:
I’m sore. I couldn’t even get off the toilet the other day. It hurts so bad. I don’t know if it’s I’m not coordinated or using muscles I never had to use before.

Do women throw their underwear on stage?
In Minneapolis, we had a lady throw her panties in the middle of “Silent Night.” I’m like, Are you kidding me? We’ve had ladies throw Depends that say, “Your older fans love you, too.”

Oh, Clay acts appalled when panties are thrown on stage, but when it’s men’s underwear? You can’t get him to shut up about it. Later, Newsweek starts asking him about an incident he had with a woman on a plane and that’s when things got really awkward awesome.

How did you get into a fight with that lady on a plane?
I’m not going to talk about it.

I was just curious because you’ve never talked about it.
I did talk about it.

What about the Kelly Ripa thing?
I’m not going to discuss it.

Did you think it was homophobic?
I’m not going to discuss it.

What do you want to talk about?
I think we’re done.

Can we talk about something fun?
No, we’re done. I thought NEWSWEEK would be more reputable. I’m surprised.

But I think people are curious about it.
It was a year ago. This is NEWSWEEK. It’s not the National Enquirer. I’d hate to have a job where I had to be rude to people.

We’re just having a conversation.
Change the subject! I’d never take a job where I had to do something that I didn’t want to do.

What about all those Ford commercials on “American Idol”?
That wasn’t a job.

It was part of your job.
It wasn’t a Ford commercial. It was a music video. It was a completely different thing.

I’ll change the subject. What do you do for fun?
I watch the news. I read news magazines, but I’m reconsidering that now.

Are you going to watch “Idol”?
I haven’t watched since season four. I compare it to high-school football–if it weren’t for high school, we wouldn’t be successful, but I don’t need to keep going to the football games.

He completely lost me on that last analogy. Partially because my high school never had a football team, but mostly because he’s a dimwitted asshole. He was probably fantasizing about his high school football team (gangbang?) and then he remembered Newsweek asked him a question. I think it would have been funny if Newsweek ended it with, “Is it that time of the month again, Clay?” and then rolled their eyes and before Clay could respond, flicked him off and offensively grabbed their crotch at him. Go Newsweek!

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