Lily Allen

You can tell Lily Allen is quite adventurous. She’s photographed a lot leaving the pubs in the UK, getting pregnant, singing in music videos with masturbating muppets… And now, comes her mildly shocking admission of anal sex.

Lily, the daughter of actor Keith Allen, said: “I was with mum dad, his wife and my sister. We were all sitting round and I said my nipples really hurt today.

“My dad’s wife said maybe you’re pregnant. I said no I’m not pregnant and my dad went: ‘Are you telling me you and your boyfriend have had sex?’

“I said: ‘Well yes but I didn’t think you could have sex by having it in the bum bum!’

“I thought I would write a song about it that goes: ‘I didn’t know you could pregnant from the bum bum’.”

I say mildly shocking only because you could “accidentally” slip it in there and she wouldn’t mind. She’d just smile and say “Oh bollocks! Your willy is up my arse… Well, as long as you’re there..”

However, bait-and-switch anal sex is no laughing matter. Unless you’re in prison. Then it’s hysterical.

Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy

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