Mary-Kate Olsen

On the day of Heath Ledger’s death, there weren’t many details on what happened once his body was discovered by masseuse, Diana Wolozin. Today, it’s been revealed, that when Diana found Heath unconscious, she phoned Mary-Kate Olsen three times before calling 911. Then ten minutes later, made a fourth and final call to Mary-Kate. OK! says Diana knew Mary-Kate and knew that Heath and Mary-Kate were friends which is why she called her first. In fact, such good friends that Mary-Kate finally released a statement on the second day after his death.

“Heath was a friend. His death is a tragic loss. My thoughts are with his family during this very difficult time.”

I wish Mary-Kate was my friend. I’d get one of those medic alert bracelets and program it to phone her instead of an ambulance. It’ll be like a Bat Signal for that horribly dressed chimney. I’m sure after 10 minutes of ignoring my cries for help, she’ll finally check her voicemail. I think if I were to ever actually do that, my only hope would be that I was fortunate enough to have a heart attack in the middle of the street. That way, whoever steals the wallet off my lifeless body might feel sorry for me and call 911.