Paris Hilton

MSNBC suggests Paris Hilton is trying to buy her way into being the godmother of Nicole Richie’s baby by dropping $1,500 on baby gifts. Paris picked up the gifts at Petit Tresor which included five organic blankets. I don’t care about this because worrying about Paris turning Nicole’s kid into a whore is the furthest thing from my mind.

What matters to me is people are letting Paris Hilton into gift suites at Sundance. She managed to snake her way into the Kenneth Cole Reaction lounge grabbing an iPhone (she already has one), an Xbox 360 and pet accessories. If I was running one of these suites, I’d let Paris Hilton in as long as she was willing to be tasered in the vagina in exchange for one gift. If I’m giving away free stuff to this bitch, I want her to entertain me and hopefully have the added benefit of singing her vagina closed. But, I doubt it. That thing has been torn so wide you’d hear echoes if you yelled into it.