Scarlett Johansson

Despite adamant denials by her reps, sources tell Gatecrasher that Scarlett Johansson is days away from announcing her engagement to Ryan Reynolds.

The couple have been an item for almost a year. Reynolds ended his engagement to fellow Canadian Alanis Morissette last February, and by April he was spotted on a date with Johansson at the Odeon in Tribeca, looking very much in love.

Lame. What does Ryan Reynolds have that I don’t? Washboard abs? Muscles? Good looks? A career? Those things are overrated and are no substitute for sitting on the couch and eating Doritos all day watching Dora the Explorer. Alone. You can’t buy that type of experience. Plus, I bought a handheld vacuum to suck the crumbs off my shirt. Oh, I know. You can’t buy that kind of class! Usually.