Last night, Ryan Seacrest tried to conduct an interview with Jennifer Garner and Laury Linney on the red carpet when an attention whoring Gary Busey suddenly appeared and shouted, “I’ve been looking for you for years!” A stunned Ryan didn’t know what to do as Gary Busey introduced himself to Laura with a handshake and a kiss on the check and then introduced himself to Jennifer with a kiss on the neck. Garner was taken aback; as anyone would be when they realize were just molested by Gary Busey.

Sadly, Gary Busey was able to do what judges have ordered me not to do. That is to go out in public. If anyone is more deserving of this ankle monitor and the 24/7 sniper stationed on the roof of the house across from me, it would be him.