Gene Simmons

Get ready to hate life because 58-year-old Gene Simmons, bassist for KISS, star of Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels on A&E and fired Celebrity Apprentice has a sex tape. A website named (link NSFW) went live Tuesday featuring a sex tape of Gene and an Australian girl named Elsa. The website is an off-shore site operated in Panama whose owner has not been identified. Elsa is a spokesmodel for Frank’s Energy Drink, a Gene Simmons endorsed beverage, but Elsa is not Gene’s long time live-in girlfriend Shannon Tweed.

I wonder. Do you think when Gene’s slamming this blonde chick, ripples traverse across his skin like a shock wave from an atomic bomb? Do you think this may cause him a heart attack? Will it be sunny tomorrow? These are the questions I must ask myself in order to distract from the fact Gene Simmons is having sex on my computer screen.

Thanks to the commenter who let us know Valley Wag has a preview.