Suri Cruise

Suri Cruise lives with very few rules because based on the teachings of Scientology, Tom believes she’s already lived for billions of years and knows everything. That’s not to say she is without boundaries.

She has to go to bed by 11 p.m., she can’t watch television, when she’s able to surf the web, she’ll have limited access due to anti-Scientology websites, she can’t eat McDonalds, she must obey an organic diet with boiled barley juice and “her health is maintained not with medicine, but by herbs.” She is also not allowed to have non-Scientologist friends.

With a normal childhood being ripped from her day by day, it’ll be a given that when she finally escapes the death grip of the cultish religion, she’ll have an abundance of repressed sexual feelings. This is why I’ve given 100:1 odds that she’ll either go into porn or have a sex tape before she reaches 20 years of age. What a little slut.