Jennifer Lopez

People magazine paid $6 million for the first shots of Jennifer Lopez’s twins and that’s only for rights to publish in the US. OK! Magazine brokered a deal to publish the photos in the 15 international editions of their magazine. Why skip out on US rights? Simple. People hate her here.

“Look at her track record with her movies, and look at her album sales. The U.S. market hasn’t been fascinated with her in some time,” the insider explained. “It makes more sense to not spend a fortune on photos that won’t cause a noticeable increase on the newsstand. This just isn’t going to sell like Shiloh (Jolie-Pitt), and $6 million is a lot of money.”

Okay. They don’t straight out say people hate her in America, but that’s what they meant. I’m pretty good at reading between the lines. Like, this one time I asked a girl for her number and she said through the stall, “Get the hell out of here. This is the women’s restroom.” So I stole her purse and showed up at her house the next day. I’m a regular Don Juan.