Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera explains to People why she chose to have a c section instead of giving birth the normal, more painful way. After reading this, I think that both you and I can agree Christina made the right choice because when she eventually dumps her monkey husband and comes crawling back to me, I don’t want to be able to throw a grand piano down there.

I didn’t want any surprises,” she says matter-of-factly of her decision to deliver via scheduled C-section at week 37 of her pregnancy. “Honestly, I didn’t want any [vaginal] tearing. I had heard horror stories of women going in and having to have an emergency C-section [anyway]. The hardest part was deciding on his birthday. I wanted to leave it up to fate, but at the same time I was ready to be done early!”

When the big moment finally arrived, “the instant I heard his cry, the waterworks started,” says Aguilera. Bratman, who filmed the birth and played the music of Miles Davis throughout, says, “We’ve played the [birth] video several times since, and all you can hear is me going, ‘Oh my God!’ I was beaming the entire time.” And when they placed Max in Aguilera’s arms, “I said, ‘Hi, Papa, hi, my little angel,” she recalls, “and he looked up at me and opened his eyes for the first time. The connection was incredible. You can’t believe the love you feel.”

I worry about vaginal tearing too. Not having it, but causing it. It’s a concern me and my lovers share before we, you know, do it. The first time is always rough, but eventually my stuffed animals get used to the size. Yea, I know. I’m all man, baby.