Brooke Hogan is loose

Brooke Hogan finagled her own spin-off reality show by either politely begging VH1 or threatening them with extreme violence. More likely the latter rather than the former. I overheard her in the conference room saying something about ripping off testicles and shoving them down throats. The show is called Brooke Knows Best and “the new series will follow her as she moves to Miami to start a new life on her own. Her family, including her parents, are expected to make appearances from time to time.” The original title I suggested, Bigfoot Moves to Miami, was denied after Brooke began crushing my larynx with her retard strength. Gosh, get a sense of humor.

Anyway, VH1’s description dresses it up a little bit. Let me explain what the show is really about. Brooke’s caretakers think it’s finally time to release her into modern society. The plan his to film her in unfamiliar territory attempting to do human things like not walking on all fours and creeping everyone the fuck out in a bikini.

As you can see here, before she goes off on her incredible journey, her trainer tries to teach her her name. “You Brooke. You. Brooke.” “Hur, hur! Me Brooke! Me Brooke!”