Britney Spears

Britney’s father, James Spears, is making $10,000 a month by controlling Britney. A court ordered Britney’s estate to pay James $2,500 a week and grant him the use of a leased car. No doubt a step up in pay from his old job as a caterer.

An attorney for James Spears, Vivian Thoreen, argued in court documents that the extension of the temporary conservatorship was necessary because Jon Eardley, an attorney who made an unsuccessful attempt to move the probate case to federal court last month, had filed additional papers in U.S. District Court. Those documents were under seal.

That’s a sweet gig. Who knew being a father could be so rewarding. I’m tempted to go make babies right this second. Or I could find the ones I threw in the ravine. Nah, making babies sounds much more fun. I get to stick my penis into a vagina.