Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayze’s rep confirmed an earlier story from The National Enquirer that he has pancreatic cancer and only has a few weeks left to live. His rep told Page Six that 55-year-old Patrick was diagnosed a month ago and that he “underwent a serious “gastrointestinal procedure” at Stanford University Medical Center.” The average life expectancy of someone with this type of cancer is six to nine months.

Holy crap. That sucks. I thought this was one of those exaggerated stories. Double holy crap because the National Enquirer was right again. Do they do pancreas transplants? Because I’d gladly offer him Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan’s pancreas. No questions asked.