Britney Spears

If you’ve ever wondered how sound engineers took Britney’s guttural screams for caramel fudge sundaes and transformed them into something listenable, then Henry Rollins is the guy you want to talk to. In an interview with Sun Media, the actor/musician/comedian explained why it’s always better to befriend the sound engineer. They have the best stories. Like when you’re listening to a Britney Spears album, you’re actually half listening to a black woman sing.

“They have the black chick come in and sing, and Britney sings over it, and they mix them together,” said Rollins, who has his own talk show on IFC.

“(Britney) gets her phrasing basically from this older R&B woman. I found that out talking to an engineer.

“Britney apparently isn’t actually the worst singer, she just has no feel. So they bring in this older black woman who sings the song, then Britney sings to it, and they kind of make a mix of the two voices, and that’s what you hear on the records.”

Is this surprising to anyone? Does anyone honestly believe Britney can produce a noise similar to the ones you hear on her album? At all? Years of swallowing stuffed Cornish game hens whole and vomiting bile from too many spirits have led to the destruction of her vocal cords. To hear her sing now would be like attending a music recital at a school for the deaf.