Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson is auctioning herself off on eBay to raise money for Oxfam. The auction started this morning at $10.50, but has already risen to $212.71. The winner will receive:

* Two tickets to the world premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You. The premiere location has not yet been determined but will be in either Los Angeles or New York this July.
* Chauffeured car service to the premiere
* Hair and makeup for one by Privé
* A meet and greet with Scarlett Johansson at the premiere

The meet and greet will probably last two minutes which is fine for $500 or maybe even $1,000. On the other hand, if the winning bid is over $5,000, I expect at least a hand job from Scarlett.

Still, I wouldn’t even know what to say if I met her. I’d probably open my mouth and instead of words coming out, it’d be a big glob of drool and then I’d make a grabby motion with my hands and go for her tits. I’m very charming.