Ashlee Simpson was once again asked about that pesky pregnancy rumor, this time by Ellen DeGeneres, and once again she gave no firm answer. Someone should tell Ashlee that was actually an answer because how hard is it to say “no”? See? I just said it. No. I did it again. I’m amazing.

When asked directly, “Are you or are you not pregnant?” Simpson demurred: “Well, that has been going on for quite a while. That is something that I choose personally not to discuss.”

She then skillfully changed the subject. “Do I look like I had 10 cheeseburgers or something?” she asked the audience, standing up to show her still-slim figure. “Because I don’t think I do.”

I think Ashlee’s being demure because she doesn’t want to admit she actually had sex to Pete Wentz. If I was her, I wouldn’t want to admit it either. I rather tell people Satan raped me. At least then it wouldn’t be like I made a conscious decision to sleep with Satan. It’ll be like he… Wait a minute…. Satan… Remove the “a”… Stan… What the hell? Stan, you asshole! That was you?!