Ashlee Simpson is pregnant

A hasty marriage usually indicates an unplanned pregnancy. Last Wednesday, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz confirmed their engagement. Of course, these two things aren’t related at all. Or are they? (They are)

Proving contraception is a foreign concept to young starlets, a source today confirmed to Us Magazine that Ashlee Simpson is “expecting her first child with Pete Wentz.” A bonafide miracle considering Pete Wentz is androgynous and sexualizing him is like sexualizing the lamp in my room.