Fergie

One time I thought I saw Fergie on the beach in a two-piece. “Don’t be a hero,” I warned myself. Alas, I knew I was the only one who could help. As I quietly and steadily inched closer to her like a cat stalking its prey, I realized, to my relief, it was just a really ugly dude so I put down the stake I was about to drive through her heart and returned to sipping my piña colada as handmaidens massaged my feet.

Do not wantDo not wantDo not wantDo not wantDo not wantDo not wantDo not wantDo not wantDo not wantDo not want