Heidi Klum put out on the first date

A while back, Heidi Klum made a guest appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show where she admitted to staring at Seal’s huge package during their first encounter. Now the Victoria’s Secret model is back with more tales of intrigue. Specifically, how she let Seal bang her on the first date.

“We went somewhere very nice for dinner — it was very good but I can’t tell you exactly what we did,” she told Pop Tarts last week with a cheeky smile. “It would be too naughty and you can’t run it anyway. It would just be bloop bleep bloop bloop bleep. But it was a very good first date. …”

Bloop bleep bloop bloop bleep indeed. But for your information, Heidi, you don’t know what you missed out on when you declined my dinner invitation and pepper sprayed me in the face. Our date would have ended with boop bleep bleep bleep boop bleep bloop bloop bloop bleep. By my calculations, that’s twice as long as Seal. Not only that, have you ever seen a man cry during sex? No? Well too bad. Now you never will. Sucks to be you, loser.