Jennifer Aniston

As far as interesting news goes, this is the bottom of the barrel. Us Magazine reports that John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston lunched together at Michael’s restaurant in Miami on Friday and later that evening, met up at Casa Tua on South Beach. Sources say they were touching each other.

“They were affectionate — definitely touchy, feely,” a source told about their dinner. “The room they ate in was almost empty. They both drank Belinis.”

“He had a sandwich,” the onlooker said. “She stole some bites and nibbled on a salad.”

This is a perfect pairing, really, because I don’t care about either of them. In all honesty, if you told me that Jennifer Aniston could shoot bees out of her nipples and John Mayer could fart rainbows, I’d still yell, “booooring,” at you and probably punch you in the face.