Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton called into the Morning Zoo show on KLUC-FM and was asked whether she would rather have Jessica Simpson’s breasts or Kim Kardashian’s ass. Not surprisingly, she wanted neither. And why not? She’s perfect in every way. From her wonky eye down to her clown feet. She’s like a walking Picasso. Paris added that Kim Kardashian’s ass is gross and disgusting, likening it to cottage cheese inside a trash bag and said Jessica Simpson’s chest is too big. Paris later said she felt sorry (she didn’t) and called Kim to apologize.

Whatever. Paris could not be more wrong. 500 years from now when World War III ends and the world is nuked, leaving civilization in a state of panic, people will begin worshiping Kim Kardashian’s ass like it was Zeus almighty. Meanwhile, Paris will be buried in an unmarked grave in the Las Vegas desert and even though she’s six feet under, her gigantic feet will still be sticking out.