Lindsay Lohan

Earlier this week, Michael Lohan, estranged father of Lindsay Lohan, spoke about the likelihood of Lindsay doing missionary work with him in India. Lindsay’s rep said something along the lines of, “yeah right whackjob.” This made Michael very angry since it’s obvious he knows what’s best for Lindsay. Michael responded,

“I think we can all see that her present so-called friends and management have her focused on the wrong projects and things,” he told me.

“If Lindsay would just listen to me and follow my guidance, like she did when her life was on the right path, and before the people you see now that are in her life, I guarantee that her life would straighten out and she’d be back to being the gifted actress everyone knew and loved.”

Lindsay, however, also disagrees and wishes daddy would just STFU.

“I just wish that he wouldn’t go and talk to the media,” she said Friday on radio’s The Billy Bush Show. “It’s not attractive to me, it really upsets me and I wish he would stop. … I love my father. I just don’t know why he’s doing what he’s doing. It’s a weird situation, very odd.”

Was there ever any doubt that this wasn’t going to happen? Lindsay’s 21. She spends her nights dreaming of getting drunk and being drilled by handsome young studs like me, not doing missionary work in India. Unless by missionary you mean the really amateurish sex position? No? Well, then fuck that.