Shia LaBeouf

Shia LaBeouf is having a hard time finding someone willing to sleep with him. Recently at Beatrice Inn, Shia was “desperately seeking a lady . . . but none of the hipster hotties were standing for it.” And if that sad spectacle wasn’t enough, he moaned to another woman about his failure to hook up with someone he didn’t have to inflate.

Our onlooker snickered that he finally turned to one woman and whined a line that will send any guy home solo: “How do I get a girl to go home with me?”

In my experience, girls get turned on when you act like a whiny bitch. What turns them on more is if you stomp their toes real hard, pull their hair and push them to the floor. I call this foreplay. Or rather, floorplay. Hahahhaha. Get it? Fore? Floor? Call me ladies. I’m funny!

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