You will never be as rich as Miley Cyrus

At only 15 years of age, Miley Cyrus has amassed a fortune so huge that she’d be able to make Lindsay Lohan punch herself in the ovaries repeatedly for 8 hours straight with a snap of her fingers. That fortune will now become even bigger as Miley signed a seven-figure book deal with Disney Book Group. The book will be about her “road to fame, from growing up in Tennessee to navigating the spotlight as an international star, and how her family – especially mother Leticia – helps keep her grounded.”

In other news, my roommate caught me licking pieces of hot pocket off the microwave walls after it exploded. I left the kitchen slightly embarrassed. I probably should have put some clothes on.