Kate Hudson

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have split. Again. This was bound to happen. It was only a matter of when. PEOPLE reports:

“It was a pretty bad breakup,” says a Wilson pal. “Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn’t want to dwell on it. He wants to put it behind him.”

Owen bounced back quick. Plus, no suicides this time which is always a good sign.

“He was pretty chummy with the ladies … he was certainly doing some sweet talking,” according to an onlooker. “He looked happy to be there hanging with them.” The late-night outing was followed by a visit to Butter the next night, where he chatted up a sexy blonde. Says a Hudson source: “She feels dumb thinking it was so serious.”

Kate started dating Owen back in 2006. After they broke up, Owen Wilson slit his wrists for whatever reason. A few weeks/month later, Kate dumped then boyfriend Dax Shepherd and went back to Owen.

What have we learned? Attempted suicides get you all the hot chicks. Which is why I’m threatening to kill myself. Come to me Kate. I’m a wounded bird ready to be nurtured back to health. Um, wait, masturbating too much can lead to death, right? Whatever. There’s only one way to find out.