Penelope Cruz has more than one bikini

The best part about being a paparazzi is you get to take pictures of celebrities like Penelope Cruz in their bikinis from 100 yards away and write it off as a business expense. If you’re a regular Joe like me, you’re charged with the class 5 felony of stalking and given a long-winded speech by a blowhard judge. I guess what I’m trying to say is: I need to learn to hide in bushes better.