BlarghJoe Simpson sold PEOPLE the rights to Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s wedding photos and I’m not too clear on whether this was a wedding or a freak show. Pete’s bulldog was the ring bearer and Pete was wearing a bowtie. Both of them have cheesy smiles and it looks like Ashlee would have had a hard time kissing Pete because when she turned slightly to the side to seal the deal, her chin would jab Pete in the shoulder. This looks like a John Hughes movie from the 80’s.

“She looked like a girl right out of a movie,” the groom, 28, says about his new bride, 23, who wore an ivory lace Monique Lhuillier gown and a cathedral-length veil during the nondenominational ceremony officiated by her father, Joe Simpson.

The only good thing about this cover is Jessica and Tony Romo. Only because Jessica is grinding her ass into Tony and I’m pretty sure I can glue a picture of my face on top of Tony’s.