R. Kelly

Lou Pearlman gets 25 years: Lou Pearlman, creator of the horrid boy bands Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync, was sentenced to 25 years in federal prison for a scam that “bilked thousands of investors out of their life savings.” Lou tricked investors out of $300 million since the early 80’s and plead guilty in March to conspiracy and money laundering. His victims were mostly the elderly who he took everything from.

The judge said he would reduce his sentence by one month for every $1 million he repaid, but it is unlikely he’ll pay everyone back. It is interesting to note that late last year news came out that Lou Pearlman is also a sexual predator who may or may not have had sex with Nick Carter. That part is unclear, but Nick’s mom said what Lou did almost ruined their family.

Clearly, this guy is a winner. A ceremony should be held in his honor and he should be given a golden statue for his humanitarian efforts. That’s what we’ll tell him anyway. In reality, this is more a ceremony of death. When he arrives, Lou will be surprised to learn that each guest has 5 minutes to bludgeon him with said statue which can be described as heavy and really pointy.

R. Kelly is in trouble: R. Kelly is currently on trial for a sex tape he made of himself defiling a 13 or 15-year-old girl. Yesterday, the jury watched the recording.

When the tape was played for the jury, it showed a man handing a female money at the beginning of their encounter and leaving more at the end.

In between, there are sex acts on a bearskin rug. The young woman dances for the man, and he urges her, “Dance faster, baby.” She calls him “Daddy.”

A rapt jury watched the tape in dim light on a 4-foot screen while Kelly sat grim-faced a few feet away. Kelly was indicted on child porn charges six years ago after the tape – now “People’s Exhibit No. 1” – was sent to a Chicago Sun-Times reporter.

R. Kelly’s defense says that that is not R. Kelly on the tape because he has a mole and the person on the tape doesn’t. Also, the defense claims the victim they identified is not even the one in the video. Of course, their argument would have been more believable had R. Kelly not gotten an erection and asked juror #5 if he could pee on his daughter.