Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse was paid $2 million by a Russian billionaire to perform at the grand opening of his girlfriend’s art gallery on Thursday. As expected, things didn’t go so well. Sure, Amy managed to get on a plane to Moscow, but upon landing, sources say “she was in no condition to appear.” Rush & Molloy report that party organizers scrambled to find a replacement, but with little time left, they went ahead with Amy, whose handlers “spent two hours trying to pull her together.” Things went from bad to gross once Amy took the stage. She garbled through her set and apparently even flashed her vadge.

Between restorative sips of Coke, Winehouse puffed on cigarettes, flung her lighter into the audience and tugged on her little dress, revealing to stageside fans that she wasn’t wearing underwear.

Despite all this, her fans, much like abused puppies, loved it. Russians are weird. It seems Amy could have thrown battery acid into the crowd and they’d still declare it the “most awesomest show ever” as half their faces melted off. If you asked me if I liked it, I’d have punched you in the face for making me remember.