Gemma Atkinson, best known to me for this sheer awesomeness, is vacationing in the Caribbean with a footballer dude named Marcus Bent. Although her days may be filled with bikini romps in the ocean and, um, beach ping pong (?), she hides an incredible sadness. For in her heart of hearts, Gemma longs for me to be there with her. Soon, my pet, soon. You know, Gemma, if you removed this restraining order, things would be a lot easier. Just sayin’.