The Mirror claims Madonna and Guy Ritchie are most likely headed for divorce. The two have allegedly grown apart and have been rarely seen together. An announcement is expected to be made after Madonna finishes her world tour on November 29.

“They live like brother and sister rather than husband and wife and thought it best to call it a day. There’s been a lot of speculation about them having furious rows all the time, none more so than because of the children.

“But they have just grown apart. They’ve decided they’re better off as friends. It’s sad, but they’re determined to keep it amicable.”

It’s for the best. Madonna used to be fun and sort of attractive. Now she looks like she’s auditioning for She-Hulk. She traded in her erotic lifestyle for one of pumping iron and asking people to “check out these guns, brotha.” Obviously, marriage becomes a lot less fun when everytime during sex your wife tries to crush your penis with her vagina (vagina stats: 225 bench, 3 sets, 10 reps each, grrr).