Well, obviously

Lily Allen had to be carried out of the Glamour magazine’s Women of the Year Awards a couple days ago due to the inordinate amount of alcohol she consumed. The next day she even blogged about how embarrassing it was. Now Lily Allen says the champagne, gin, vodka and Asahi beer she drank at the open bar may have been spiked. Last night at the Janet Street-Porter outside The Royal Academy of Arts 24th Summer Exhibition Preview Party in Piccadilly she was overheard saying:

‘Yeah, I don’t know what happened, maybe I was spiked. I don’t remember a thing. I can normally get really drunk, but not like that.’

‘The worrying thing was that I was like a dead weight. I have been out so many times and got drunk and never ended up like that.

‘What was worse was that the cab just drove off with only me in it. My brother and my mates were not with me.’I didn’t have my house keys or my bag, so I felt totally vulnerable. When I finally got home I just passed out.’

Right, gallons of alcohol isn’t what made the 5’2” Lily so drunk that security had to carry her out to a cab and send her home. The drinks were obviously tampered with. This is all part of a vast and intricate conspiracy to make Lily look bad. Sort of like the time police “discovered” that dead hooker in the back of my trunk. I think they planted her there. They’re out to get me.