Ashley Kaufmann

Ashley Kaufmann’s pictures were revealed yesterday by OK! Magazine and In Touch. The modesty exhibited in them was puzzling because it is suspected Ashley has Lohan blood in her. You’d expect her to be fellating a Popsicle if that was the case. Some worried she may not have even have inherited any Lohan genes at all. Well, let MSNBC assuage your fears because according to them, Ashley has been asking studios for a record deal.

A record-industry insider says, “Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali.” A Lohan family source adds, “Ashley’s singing ability just proves that the family talent comes from Michael (Lohan), not Dina Lohan.”

If there’s one thing the Lohans are good at, it’s being opportunistic. They’d sell out their own children for a piece of fame. And they have! I only hope that one day when I’m a parent of a famous kid, I’ll have the wherewithal to ride the coattails of my child’s success and pyramid it into a 6-figure TV deal. That’s the American Dream. I think.