Heather Locklear

Heather Locklear has left rehab after four weeks of intensive treatment for anxiety and depression. Friends say Heather will be just fine because she told a funny story and laughed. No, really. They said that. And if you’re curious about her treatment, read on.

During her time at the Arizona facility, Locklear, 46, remained under doctors’ care while getting therapeutic spa treatments, riding horses and spending quality time alone. Her spirits were lifted by two visits from boyfriend Jack Wagner.

Make no mistake. This wasn’t rehab, it was a vacation. If Heather suffered from real depression, she would have killed herself after they messed up her cucumber mask. Which they did. Four times! Ugh, don’t these imbeciles know that depression can only be cured with smooth, glowing skin?