Josh Brolin Mugshot

A few days ago it was discovered that Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright, George W. Bush and Colin Powell in Oliver Stone’s upcoming W movie, were arrested during an altercation at a bar. Reports today say it took place at a wrap party for said movie and that Josh and Jeffrey were pepper sprayed and tasered.

Local station KTBS reports and TMZ sources say Wright, who plays Colin Powell, was repeatedly tasered and pepper sprayed as he lay prone on his stomach in the street. We know witnesses heard the officers using extremely foul language, including the “N” word, directed at Wright.

Our sources say Brolin was observed by witnesses attempting to make peace and standing still as he was repeatedly sprayed in the eyes by cops.

The city attorney has not decided whether to file criminal charges against Brolin, Wright or the others for interfering with a police officer.

Because of this, I have prepared a script for minorities to use when they’re arrested and hopefully, deter the police from using unnecessary force.

Yes officer I am a [insert derogatory name]. No, I do not have [insert drug here] on me. No I’m not being sarcastic. Please, there is no need to [tase/pepper spray/pistol whip] me. I am happy to comply with all your demands. No, I would not enjoy being raped by a [baton/9mm].

Follow this and you’ll reduce your risk of being beaten by an incredible 5%.