Madonna

Guy Ritchie’s mother, Lady Amber Leighton, adamantly denies that Madonna and Guy are getting divorced. She calls the rumors “absolute rubbish” and goes on to say,

“Guy will be furious at me for talking to you, but I feel I can’t just let these reports go unanswered, as they make me so angry and they are hurtful intrusions into their private lives.”

Of course, Us Magazine and the NYDN thinks she’s probably senile because today they’re reporting that Madonna has found a new man to suck the life out of and that’s New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez. Reports indicate Alex has often been seen sneaking out of Madonna’s Central Park West apartment “as late as midnight” and “all the doormen are talking.” About what, I’m not too sure.

Both sites note that Madonna was seen at a June 22nd Yankees game while A-Rod was recently seen at a Madonna concert.

Although this is all conjecture right now, one thing is certain. I’m a very handsome boy. Even more handsome than Alex Rodriguez. My mommy says so all the time. I’m also single. Call me, ladies, and I’ll make your wildest dreams come true. Just as long as your wildest dream is to have dinner at McDonald’s and go back to my place to have sex on my deflated air mattress. Top that A-Rod or should I say, A-Not. Hahaha. But no, really, call me. Please.