Britney Spears

According to the Telegraph, Britney Spears has been cast by Quentin Tarantino as dancer Darla in the remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. She’ll play a lesbian stripper killer and will film a sex scene.

“Quentin is convinced Britney will be brilliant. She’s delighted. She thinks it could turn her career around.

“It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She’s playing the most important character.”

Even if this were true, it probably wouldn’t be true. Did that make sense? To clarify. Britney can’t act seductive. Hungry, yes. Seductive, no. If you need someone to stand there and drool over the craft service table, Britney is your girl. If you need someone to strip and act all sexy like in front of the camera, you’re better off dressing a panda in a bikini and letting it play with a piece of bamboo. Britney’s idea of seduction is rolling around naked in a pile of KFC chicken and pawing at the camera, coyly asking for more Ranch dressing.