Britney won’t perform at the VMAs

After cutting two promo reels for MTV’s Video Music Awards and reading comments from her hair stylist, the public assumed Britney would be performing again at the VMAs. However, Larry Rudolph, Britney’s manager, says she will definitely not be stumbling around on stage again like she just took two Quaaludes. In fact, it was never even planned since she’s busy recording her new album.

Although, Britney won’t perform, she will still be involved in some capacity. Sources say her unofficial title is “Girl who will not let all this food go to waste.”