Charlie and Brooke

$800,000 per episode actor, Charlie Sheen, and his new wife, Brooke Mueller, are expecting. This will be Brooke’s first and Charlie’s fourth.

“Brooke informed me two days ago that very soon we’d be producing our own version of Two-and-a-Half Men,'” recalls the Emmy-winning actor, who is already the father to three daughters, Cassandra, 13, Samantha, 4, and 3-year-old Lola. “That would imply it’s a boy, so until we know, we’ll refer to it as ‘Two-and-a-Half People.’ We’re beyond happy to be new parents together.”

Oh, haha. Two-and-a-Half People. You’re so clever Charlie. Not clever enough to wear a condom, but still. Verrrrry funny. I almost broke a smile on that one. It turned into a snort of disdain, but you were close.