Jenna Jameson tells Us Magazine that “Yes, I can confirm I’m pregnant. It’s still early, so I’m being cautious. I’m resting as much as possible,” confirming an earlier rumor by the New York Post. Jenna says she and Tito are still in shock. Shock that her womb can still cultivate life after having been eviscerated by multiple penii (penises?) throughout her career.

Jenna goes on to compare herself to Angelina Jolie — bwahhahahaha — saying she’s going to stay unmarried and just have babies. Look, the only way Jenna is like Angelina is if Angelina filmed herself banging a lot of dudes and my friend walked in on me jacking off to it. While that would be cool, I lost all hope of that ever happening three years ago.

Ms. Famous Adult Film Star also says she’s moving down to the beach with Tito. Good idea. That way the baby can more easily drown themselves after they realize who their parents are.