Jennifer Aniston

When John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston first started dating, sources said John thought of it more as a summer fling. Yet, news today that John dumped Jennifer is somehow still shocking. The Mirror writes,

“There’s been a bit of tension for some time,” says a source close to 30-year-old John. “They initially opted for a break, hoping a trial split might make them stronger. Sadly it doesn’t seem to have worked.

“John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn’t ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved.

“Contrary to reports, Jen didn’t want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together.

“She also wanted him to assure her he would cut down his tours in the future when they did eventually have children.

“Initially, Jennifer was furious when he told her of his decision but now she’s simply sad – not to mention a little heartbroken.

It’s best to end a relationship when your girlfriend stops talking about fellating you on a mini-golf course and starts talking about un-sexy things like timetables. Unless “timetables” is code for two chicks at once, it’s time to leave before conversations become even more asinine. No, you don’t look fat in that. Yes, I slept with your sister. Yes, I ran over your dog. Blah, blah, blah. So, what? Let’s talk about something interesting, like anal.