Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan has big tits and for some reason she’s dating Samantha Ronson. Allegedly. Still, it might as well be true. There has been no evidence to the contrary while there has been a lot of innuendo confirming it. Anyway, according to News of the World, they’re so in love that they want to get married. Probably around the time when Lindsay’s new album drops. It’s a mystery why they would do that.

Lindsay’s mum Dina has told pals that she wants to “welcome Sam into the family” with a lavish do, including drinks and canapes for Li-Lo’s pals and relatives.

The 22-year-old Freaky Friday star has been shopping for a white mini-dress for the occasion —and I hear she’s chosen a very bridal-looking one by Chanel.

Whatever. There’s no way Samantha or “Sam” can handle a little firecracker like Lindsay. The only person capable of taming this cock hungry lion is me and my spiked dog collar. So don’t be surprised when you hear news of Lindsay cheating on Sam with a devilishly handsome bachelor with granite abs and a medicine cabinet full of tranqs because it’s bound to happen. The eligible bachelor is me by the way. I’m not sure if you got that.