Lindsay Lohan

If you’re LIndsay’s dad, then your concern for your daughter’s well being extends only as far as the amount of publicity you can milk for showing said concern. Which is why Michael Lohan has been telling the press that Lindsay is drinking again.

“Samantha drinks and passes the drinks under the table to Lindsay, and behind the scenes it gets worse and worse,” says Lohan. “Sam is using my daughter. My daughter isn’t working because she’s always with Sam. Even my ex-wife knows it. She just isn’t doing anything about it.”

Lohan hasn’t yet decided how he’ll proceed with handling the situation, but he has begun taking responsibility in his own life.

A 22-year-old in the prime of her life having fun and drinking? This is horrible. Because as we all know, drinking leads to loose morals, loose morals leads to premarital sex and premarital sex leads to hell. Wait, isn’t Lindsay one of the gays too? Ahhhh! Who will help save Lindsay from the evil clutches of Satan?!