Heather Locklear’s DUI arrest over the weekend may have been a setup. The one and only eyewitness who phoned it in turned out to be Jill Ishkanian — a former employee of Us Weekly being investigated by the FBI for hacking into Us’s database to track celebs — who was following Heather through Montecito. TMZ says Jill called 911 about Heather’s erratic driving even before she got in her car. Shortly thereafter, Jill tipped off paparazzi that Heather was about to be arrested.

The plot thickens. It’s time to put on my little Snoopy detective hat and find out what’s really going on. Did Jill give drugs to Heather? Was it all part of an intricate plan to make Heather look bad? Does Jill just like to do this for shits and giggles? Do I care? Dun-dun-dun.