Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan has been assigned police protection after expressing concern over “Biblical” threats she received at 3 different addresses. No information on what the exact wording of these “Biblical” threats were. They can range anywhere from promising to crucify her for her harlot ways to the tried and true threat of “going Biblical on your ass.” If the latter, police should consider Samuel L. Jackson as their primary suspect.

In other Lohan news, Lindsay filed a motion barring paparazzi from filming her when she appears in court on behalf of Samantha Ronson. She has also asked that transcripts and testimonies be kept private fearing they’ll be “illegally exploited by the media.” Samantha is suing suing her former lawyers for failing to “adequately represent her” after she sued Perez Hilton for defamation of character. If you’ll remember, she lost and had to pay Perez’s legal fees which totalled to around $87,000. I’m sure Samantha will win. That or the judge will order her to pay the lawyers’ lawyer fees as well. Guess which outcome I’m hoping for.