Paris and Katie

LA socialite and notorious imbecile Paris Hilton loves London so much that she’s bought a place there. It’s a former 19th century brothel, gin palace, opium den and Chinese restaurant which has since been converted to a home.

“Metal joists where clients were manacled to the wall for their own pleasure have been sympathetically restored so the juicy past of the place isn’t lost.

“It’s thought that sailors, pirates and vagabonds made the short journey from the Thames to smoke opium and indulge in their wildest fantasies after months at sea.

“Paris really appreciated the quirkiness of the place – and the knockdown price for such a unique building – and immediately put in an offer.”

Suffice to say, it’s the filthy whore house Paris dreamed of living in as a child. There are lavish million dollar homes out there furnished by top designers but none compare to Paris’ pad and its walls decorated with 200 year old cum stains from lascivious drunkards.

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