Keanu Reeves wins

A jury has decided that Keanu Reeves will not have to pay paparazzo Alison Silva $711,974 in lost wages and punitive damages amidst claims the Keanu hit him with his Porsche. During the five-day trial, jurors heard contradicting statements from the paparazzo and were even shown video of Alison scaling a fence with his supposedly injured hand. After deliberating for less than three hours, all twelve jurors rejected the case.

When asked whether or not he’d still photograph Reeves again, Silva said, “Why not? It’s business. I wish Keanu is happy in his life. I have nothing against Keanu.”

Shortly after his victory, Reeves let out a, “Whoa! Party time! Excellent,” and performed some wicked air guitar.