Jennifer Aniston

Star Magazine claims Jennifer Aniston is readying herself for twins with John Mayer. Nearing 40, Star says her biological clock is ticking away and as a result, she’s frozen her eggs and is undergoing fertility treatments. Jennifer’s even trying alternative methods like yoga, eating cassava root and upping her milk and beef intake to increase her chances of having twins.

“She knows her baby-making years are limited,” says a source. “It’s hard for her to think of anything else — she has babies on the brain!”

Is Star even trying anymore? I can make up salacious rumors too. Megan Fox is thinking about blowing me. She’s even doing mouth exercises with Popsicles and bananas. Sources say it’s true. See, Star? I can do it too.

Still, I wouldn’t put this past Jennifer. She seems desperate enough. I bet she cries everytime she ovulates and hysterically tries to shove the egg back in her with a tampon.